YEAR'S ALMOST OVER, AND I FEEL LIKE I'M FORGETTING SOMETHING... (pretty good, all things considered)

I've recently found out that it's rather embarrasing when you accidentally make eye-contact with someone when you are in the middle of scratching or wiping your nose, or starting a full mouth yawn. You cant stop, far too late for that, but you don't want them to feel like you are doing it at them or anything. So you continue on, helplessly Anyone else have that happen to them? lol. Nah, you wouldn't admit it anyway, wusses.

So it's been a while, you could say. I noticed a resurgence of activity right around the time everyone came home for the holidays, always good to see people writing, since i think people tend to open up more to xanga than they would usually. I'll try and do so myself a little more often, there just hasn't been too much motivation lately. Might be a testament to how blah this first semester was other than Crew... But i figure my labyrinth of thoughts really only have relevance at the point i choose a direction, and i haven't thought any of them coherent or profound enough to warrent writing them down when i've had time. Now, some of you are asking yourselves, how profound can eye-contact nosewhiping be... don't question me

I don't know, I've been having mixed feelings recently. On the one hand some really nice things have happened to me. I got awesome grades this semester, all A's save English (tragic). I walked away from my first crew season w/ 2 medals, this second one a gold. I've gotten to hang out with my friends A LOT more than i usually do. I don't know why but i've felt more a part of all 3 of my groups, more like they want me to be there, rather than allowing me to be there. It's weird how much more comfortable and confident i feel around people when i'm able to make them laugh. Laughter is so powerful... That and trust, its always good to get the feeling that someone really truely trusts you, tho i wish i got that feeling more often... Anyways, the trip up to Illinois was also awesome! Got to see Becky again, and coincidentally got to hang out w/ a really fun group of people. (Becky is sadly not in this pic)

from the left... me, jennifer, amanda, kip, alex, john, megan, and kara in the front (supposedly more pics to come...)

It was a blast. I knew most of them from my first 2 years of HS, but i haven't talked to them since then so it was always nice to see what direction people are moving in. I haven't quite figured out what makes remembering feel so good. Like quite honestly, my 2 years in GA were a lot better than the 2 years of HS in Illinois on a social scale, so you would think there wouldn't be so much to remember. But there's something about the memories... maybe just coming back and remembering that it all really did happen is reassuring. I cant be sure... But i know that the fact that everyone in that group up there who gave out christmas cards and knew i was in town made me one after just one night of hanging out. I appreciate it greatly! Visiting my dad and nephew was pretty fun too, here's some random pics from the rest of the trip.

My nephew, Aaron (13), and his mound of gifts

Double A, Ron again, w/ his telescope *and all the ladies say 'aww'*

Christmas tree at granma and grampa Pieper's (you laughed, didn't you...)

the aforementioned granma and grampa

Dad and his awesome snoopy-theme-playing present

Tessy, the dog (miniature schnauzer)

My nephew, Drake (lives in GA w/ us, but it was a good pic )

All the gifts i got, besides the camera taking the picture

The camera that took the picture, and the hot photographer

Let it snow, let it snow... ... ... let it snow

Not very many pictures taken, seeing as how thats pretty much all of them, cuz i got the camera a day before i was supposed to leave. But yes, good times had between paintballing, offroading, and just plain hangin out.

But then there is the other hand, some things that soil my mood... First of all this really didn't feel like Christmas, at all. Kinda like my birthday, december 25th completely snuck up on me... There was nothing that gave me the usual cheery feeling, christmas music really didn't help, being away from family didn't really help either (due to the weather). I didn't get anyone gifts, and felt horribly guilty when i recieved mine... and i more felt guilty cuz they were good gifts, albeit on a list, and i couldn't think of one thing for any one person that would have been a good gift. Made me feel completely selfish in my friendship, that i couldn't think of something that would make anyone particularly happy. So that kinda went against the closer feeling i had previously mentioned.

That and it seems like love and relationships have been thrown in my face non stop for the past half month. People here, people up in IL, everyones got that significant other... ok well not everyone, but it sure feels like it. But all of them and the New Years kiss thing have got me thinking about relationships non-stop... and i hate thinking about it because all i can think about when i do is why i've never had a girl friend, and i get into that self depricating mood where i see nothing attractive about myself. It seems all my friends have some hobby or passion or just something really cool about them, the likes of which i cannot find in myself. Any girl i even admit to myself that i like, i get to thinking "how could me being in her life make it better?" and i cant answer. *sigh*... I guess it could be worse... i could turn off every girl that speaks to me and then my opinion on the matter wouldn't make any difference lol. But it even gets me thinking how people really see me, and if its not just "that quiet kid who's just kinda 'there'"... but i don't dwell on that too often, cuz i know that many people have said pretty good things about me, and they are all obviously true . No fun whining if you can't be arrogant at the same time, lol. I just need some focus. You know when you were a kid and you got a new lego set or... basketball hoop or... bike or whatever... and for however short a time that thing consumed your entire attention, playing, practicing, building, and all of your creativity and effort was directed into enjoying it to the fullest. One of the better feelings... but i think i've mentioned this before, heh. Anyways... enough of that... just me blabbing... sometimes i wish someone would just come in and blast all of my wierd psychoses away. But then who doesn't have some issue or another.

But, anywho... so here i sit still not sure where i want to spend midnight, lol. I guess i can start the new year off right. Not sure exactly what i want for resolutions, but then people are never gererally too resolute anyway. I think i want to just experience more, learn more, not necessarily in the book sense, but i mean theres so much i don't know about... i just want to be more open to new things this next year. And... maybe i should improve my relationship w/ my mother... and... i want to be the source of excitement or fun for someone... bah thats enough lol. HAPPY NEW YEARS TO ALL! And best of luck w/ your resolutions! And i'ma try and make this more of a journal again, regardless of comment number.

>Peeps (how now, brown cow?)

"But i'm thinking it over... anyway....

I see it all... too... clear"

SHORT AND SWEET

So i forgot to update on my birthday, sue me, lol. I'll get that track playing later... but... right now... i just want to thank everyone who gave me a call on tuesday. Makes a guy feel good. And if you didn't i understand, its not like i shouted out loud that the day was coming up, hell i almost forgot. But yes, you guys are great!

And! This weekend, race in gainsville, only like 40min to an hour away, prime opportunity to come see a crew race. Albeit a bit late notice, but if you want directions AIM or email me. I only ask for like, an hour and maybe a half in the middle of the day, Saturday. And if anyone comes, a ride back early would be awesome . Too bad CC state is the same day. GL you guys!

Finals are coming!!!!! *wigs out*

>Peeps